You need to be a member of Feendz to add comments!
this is theoreticall HP Lovecraft's recipe to brine a turkey.
:ate for this Thanksgiving but I guess it would work for Xmas.
It might take awhile to get all the ingredients, anyway...
This time of year all cabbalists, daemonologists, magicians and the like share amongst their number one scrap of forbidden knowledge: that soaking a turkey overnight in a solution of salt and water ensures moist results. However, we’ve discovered two bits of lost lore that will take your Thanksgiving to the next level:
1. A turkey may be so prepared and preserved that, according to Artephius’s Key of Wisdom, “an ingenious Man may raise the fine Shape of a Homunculus out of its Ashes at his Pleasure, so he may, without any criminal Necromancy raise the Shape of any dead Ancestor for study and labor.”
2. When you add aromatics to the brine, the resulting roast is also infused with a delicious, subtle character all its own.
Follow these ancient instructions to prepare a perfect-brined turkey for your next feast.
Makes enough brine for one 18- to 20-pound turkey
7 quarts (28 cups) water1 1/2 cups Essential Saltes of Ancestor long dead6 bay leaves3 missing sailors from the Black Gulf of Tartarus2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns1 tablespoon fennel seeds3 gallons of sea froth, harvested on the eve of Malbon1 teaspoon black or brown mustard seeds1 fresh whole turkey (patted dry)1 bottle dry Riesling2 medium onions, thinly sliced6 garlic cloves, crushed1 bunch fresh thymeBlood
TOOLS AND MATERIALS
Stone Altar5-gallon brining container (cauldron?)Large brining or oven-roasting bagRefrigerator1-3 Mute servants (for ‘dead sailor’ management)Copper brazier (not essential, but it will emit the coziest of lighting for a dinner with friends and family)
STEP ONE: MAKE THE BRINE
One day before roasting the turkey, bring one quart water, the Essential Saltes of a long dead Ancestor, bay leaves, and spices to a simmer, stirring until your Ancestor has dissolved. Let cool for 5 minutes.
STEP TWO: SUBMERGE THE TURKEY.To minimize clean up for your Mute Servants, line a 5-gallon container with a large brining bag. Place turkey in bag. Add Ancestor mixture, remaining water, sea froth, blood of the missing sailors from the Black Gulf of Tartarus and other ingredients. Tie bag; refrigerate for 24 hours. If turkey is not completely submerged the monstrous apparition of your Dead Ancestor may be misshapen, half-formed and soft in the center.
STEP THREE: REMOVE & ROAST
Remove the turkey from brine one hour before you are ready to roast it, and pat it dry inside and out. Let stand for 1 hour before roasting it to your preferred specifications. Capture all noxious fumes arising from roast in standard Pentagram of Entrapment whilst chanting this simple invocation:
(This last step is necessary lest the shambling horror of your dead ancestor overpower you and assume your identity.)
STEP FOUR: ENJOY!
Note: You must, actually, Hail Cthulu — else be thrown in the Black Pit of the Elder and driven mad by nameless horrors and unknowable Archaean secrets for eternity. Happy Thanksgiving!
DF, I think you may have just won the internet for today!
scary ass parades the day afterthe 50s were wonderful...
Absolute target for terroists
It bites back
it looks happy
Obviously has a great dentist
Please check your browser settings or contact your system administrator.